just awful

I’m moving into my place tomorrow, and a lot has happened in the last week. 

Mom and Dad may be dropping out of the agreement we made before I left home concerning the business. They were helping fund the business for 3% of the profit in three years. 

I believe my mom will definitely back out, and she showed me that I misappropriated the funds. 

We both didn’t really know what was on the agreement.

 I wrote up the agreement before I knew what I was doing with the business.

 I didn’t know what I would need or what the three percent was worth. 

I thought I knew what was on it but going over it again this week, it’s clear I was misappropriating funds, and though it’s evident on the agreement, I just realized this. 

So now I’m not telling them, and I’m giving them every chance to hold to their side of the deal, but I want out. 

This is an awful agreement. Mom doesn’t see the success of the business, but I do, and I know that three percent is worth way more than what they are giving me for it, even if the agreement was what I thought it was.

 I know God, and I can do this without them, so if they drop out, I’m free to do that.


I would repay them for what they gave me, but the three percent would be free to be put where God leads me. 

With thirty to seventy percent being given, I think the three percent may be needed for taxes, especially on the first three days of the month. 


I don’t really know, but I don’t want to lower my giving goals. I don’t know what needs to happen yet to keep that goal, but I’ll find out soon enough. 


God has provided abundantly and set things in order for this next season, but stepping out of the two months I’ve submerged in His word and clung to Him, I remembered how people judged me when I left school. 

Now the persecution is heightened. 

My family has turned against me and told me to quit and that it won’t work even though God has been faithful this whole year all they see if that the business isn’t even launched yet.


All good things take time. 

Every overnight success was years in the making.

 Nine out of ten businesses fail, and I won’t be one of them. 

I won’t be money blind and run after the flashy objects. 

I will be patient and listen to instructions from the Holy Spirit. 

My life isn’t my own, this business isn’t my own, and I don’t have the right to do it my way. 

The world’s way isn’t God’s way, and most of the time, God’s way doesn’t make sense. That’s okay because the just live by faith.


To follow God, you have to give up everything else. 


The scripture says…


“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.

Luke 14:26


It’s not actually telling us to hate. Jesus commanded us to love, but it’s saying in comparison to Christ, your family is nothing. They don’t hold up a candle to Him. 


I’m learning this. It can be harder when it’s your family persecuting and stabbing you in the back rather than people you thought were your friends, but none of it matters when you put it into perspective. 


When this happened to me, I felt like breaking down, but I chose not to. I chose to magnify the Lord. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Jesus’ words.


Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way, they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:10-12


James says to consider it pure joy when we go through trials in James 1:2-4


Jesus has also been reminding me of something He told me a little after I stopped watching Shiloh. “Let’s dance on the water.” 


God isn’t like the world at all. He wants us to be at peace when it looks like the ship is going down and rejoice when we go through trials and persecutions. Do you have a need? Give. Do you want to be the greatest? Be a servant. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. This all seems impossible or feels like bondage, but really it’s freedom.

But you can’t do it without understanding it, and you can’t understand it without spending time with the Lord. It comes out of relationship.


 O me goodness! I’m actually getting good at writing a lot without trying. Y’all I like being with people but not too much. I need my alone time with Abba. I am so glad I’m moving in tomorrow. Air is in Florida by now, finally visiting the kiddos. It’s been over a year for her, and she’s been aching to get to them.  

Tina asked for us to be brought down for her birthday, and because mom just got some funds, she’s flying Air and me down for a bit this September. Air is going first, then I will follow in a few days. We will overlap a few days before Air flies back. Mom planned a photoshoot during the overlap, and surprisingly mom is going to be on a trip some of the time Air, and I will be in Florida. I may do something to the house while she’s gone to surprise her. We shall see.

Tigger is in the shop in the Springs, and half my stuff is stuck in there, so I’ll have to make do with what I have for another few weeks. I really want to get my mac up and running so I can color convert my fall designs and get them in the shop before I fly to Florida. Then in Florida, I hope to finish my email sequences, so I’ll bring my laptop along. I’ll work on the video when I get back. 


Yesterday was Adrianna’s shower. It turned out great, but I’m glad it’s over. The house was a good place for a party, but it was very dirty. I had to clean and air the place out before I could decorate, and I slept on the couch both nights to avoid downstairs. All my clothes stank after. Even the ones I didn’t wear they just stink from being in the house, and it’s a strong smell.


Kyah and Bae are lending me their vehicle tomorrow to help me move my stuff to my new place. Jasmine is going to let me try out her keyboard before I buy, and Ethan and I need to set up another appointment so I can try his homemade ice cream out.


There is a lot to do, but right now, I just want Jesus.


In His Service, 



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