May 22, 2023

I’m in Florida with my family now. I flew back a week ago and have been running around spending time with each sibling after we took care of mom on mother’s day.

Now I’m taking a week to rest at Tina’s apartment before officially moving into Mrs. Linda’s June first.

Mother’s Day I cleaned her house and took her out to lunch.

Tina planned an AirBnb we all pitched in for and Tina and I set that up and made sure she was comfortable.

I watched the kids and took them to and from school the days she was at the AirBnb.

With the kids

After she returned I took the girls one at a time to the apartment staying up till midnight with them watching movies and eating icecream.

I brought them to school in the morning and helped mom at the house for a bit while charging Tina’s Hybrid then picked up the next girl till only the boys were left and I did them all in one go. We had icecream, chicken nuggets, & watched a movie, but didn’t sleepover.

Honestly I enjoyed hanging out with the boys the most. The boys night was last night and I slept in till 8:30 this morning waking up in a bit of a haze. I know this is exactly where God wants me to be but I have been confused with what I should actually do especially with the business.

This morning has been a combination of thinking, praying, and wasted time on my phone but I feel I am starting to see something I didn’t see before. 

tail chasing

I don’t have to do the business, a job, homeschooling, the children’s home, Bible manga, the huge empire of a dream I have envisioned since I was a child.

God takes down one and sets up another.

What I want, what I really want is to know Him.

I feel like this may sound really repetitive, but I’m coming to understand this in a new light.

I also understand that this sounds like I’m giving up on my dream, but I’m not I’m putting it into His hands to do with how He sees fit.

He is more than able to bring to completion what He has promised. My dream was beginning to become my cage.

I had to live up to image I created for myself so I was striving to do and become and not resting in knowing Him.

This always drove me to seeking God for things He could do for me instead of because I love Him.

Then when I am exhausted of chasing my tail I drop into His arms exhausted.

Eternal life

 I still feel like I’ve been chasing my tail and seeking other people’s approval.

People don’t need to see any progress in my life for me to be happy.

They can think what they want I want Jesus.

This is life eternal to know Him. I want to know Him.

I also want to learn new things and explore the world with Him.

I don’t want to run and hide I want to be confident in who I am and who He is and I can only find that in Him.

Because without Him I’m incomplete.

I’m letting go and letting God.

The physical experience of letting go of 90% of my stuff has actually helped me grasp this spiritual truth.

Thank You Jesus for your love and wisdom.

The Word says God is a God of clarity not a God of confusion so I know He makes my way clear.

It was a fear of being confused that cut me off from that promise and left me in the dark.

I’m learning more and more what His voice sounds like and to not take actions in fear.

God bless you, God bless your family and God bless America!

In His Service,



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