Sick to my Stomach

   Hey everybody, 

  Welcome back. I’ve been in Florida for almost three weeks now but I just recently moved in with Mrs. Linda & Mr Russel.

I have really been feeling blessed to be able to live with them on so many levels!

They are so sweet to each other, they play games, and enjoy life and they help people wherever they can.

They have been feeding me and giving me everything I could need while I’ve been here and it’s been healing during this time.

A dearly loved individual that I have been trying to love and help has stabbed me in the back lately and this has been the worst betrayal I have encountered to date.

I felt sick, it was hard for me to sleep and my appetite still hasn’t gone back to normal, so many of the things Mr. & Mrs. Elmore have offered I have declined. 

It’s almost two weeks since the event has happened and I keep wanting to get some kind of revenge or have absolutely nothing to do with this person. For the most part this person has been avoided, but when she shows up I just want to run.

I read this passage recently in Matthew 10:


And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.

30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

40 He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.

41 He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward.

own up

The part where Jesus said He came to bring a sword really hit me because that’s exactly how it feels in my family right now.

What confuses me is that I thought that division came because one believed in Christ and the other didn’t but in my case, we both believe in Christ so shouldn’t there be unity?

Why isn’t there?

Even if it looks blatantly obvious the other person is at fault I am not necessarily innocent here.

Even if I don’t understand what I did wrong I have to be open to the truth that I messed up somewhere or I won’t be able to grow. In the last verses Jesus talks about taking up our cross and that hit me too because I’m not doing that the way I should.

There are areas where I feel I just couldn’t do that. Like I can’t possibly just shut up and submit under that tyranny, but if I’m not willing to give up my own pride then I won’t be able to hear what the Lord wants me to do in this situation because I’ve already made up my mind on what I will or will not do.


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