Dropped yet Held

let go

They are letting me go from my nanny position today. They didn’t even give me two weeks’ notice, but I wasn’t concerned about it when they told me a week ago. I knew God had something even better for me. So many opportunities came up, but I didn’t have peace about any of them. I even pursued one, and my stress and worry rocketed that day. I didn’t realize staying home and not getting another job was an option, but that’s the only thing I have peace about now. I started hearing, “you’re just trying to avoid work. You’re lazy at the core; you have always been. That’s why you started the business; to get easy money (stupid). You’re always looking for the easy way to success.” I believed that for one day.

result of lies

The same day my stress level rocketed. By the next day, I realized that it was the devil, and I saw how stupid that was.

I work harder than most people I know. I wake up earlier, eat healthier, and push myself more. Could I do better? Absolutely! But saying I’m just trying to avoid work is a lie from the pit of hell. I have never been that way. I may not have had the best motivation for work, but I have always been a workaholic. I stress on vacations because I’m not being productive. I know it’s not healthy, and I’m trusting God and His Word with it.

follow peace

God told me I didn’t have to step out of peace, so I knew I was doing something wrong last night. I spent time with Him late into the night and made a decision. I have been spending half my life saying I will put Him first in the mornings, and then I would stress about all the other things that need to be done and not be able to focus. I was religious in not spending time with Him into the night because “He has to be first, not last, so I had to wake up early and spend time with Him, but the morning hasn’t been working out. I will not keep doing the same thing and expect different results. I will spend time with Him, and I need a lot. So I will wake up early, plan my day, hit all the goals before four, and at four, I will spend time with my Abba. 4-12. I believe I can run well on 4 hours of sleep. One way or the other, we are going to find out.

surprise

So God has been consistently telling me to do things that don’t make sense, so I shouldn’t be surprised now. God told me: “remember the last thing I told you to do and focus on that. Keep your mind off the storm. That’s not your problem.” The storm is my bills that don’t look like they will be paid if I don’t get a job. I feel like this is one of the things I need to keep my mouth shut about to others because they will tell me I am not hearing God correctly. I realize I am self-absorbed because I feel like I need to tell my friends about my situation and why I am doing it, but they don’t care the way I think they do. That sounds sad, but it’s not. It’s just reality. If I don’t talk about what’s happening in my life, they won’t know, and it’s not hard to direct the conversation to their life or other topics rather than myself. I should be wondering what is going on in their lives because that’s where their mind is.

growing season

God told me He is working on me in this season, so I’m going through a personal Bible College with the Holy Spirit. I am the child, and He is the Father, so I don’t need to worry about needs; He covers that. I focus on what He says and does it. He has been teaching and then giving me assignments. That’s what the business is—one big Bible College assignment. With all the tasks God has given me, there isn’t time for a job, so I’m not going to look at the bills. I look to Jesus and focus on what He has given me to do. 

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

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