It seems like I get attacked by the enemy at the beginning of every month. Doubts, fears, anxiety, and depression all bombard me at one time.

It’s the time when I’m just getting ready to run for it again. I am making progress month to month, but it’s nothing to what I want it to look like.

At the end of these attacks, I always rise higher, but I’m starting to feel like that’s a false sense of victory.

I climbed higher, but I didn’t get close to my goal for the month before the fight. Did the struggle make me lower the bar?

Not sure, but I’m going to do things differently this month. I will fight back with the Word like the enemies never seen in my life.

I’m tired of just barely enough. That’s not what I’m supposed to walk in, and I’m tired of buying the story that it’s just a season. It’s been a long drought season, and I want my harvest.

What is blocking breakthrough? I believe it’s me. Let’s examine yesterday and today with an unbiased microscope.

cold feet

Yesterday I felt tired because I dropped my sister off at two in the morning at the Denver airport.

I slept till 10:30 to regain the sleep I lost. I woke up and read the Word. I felt like eating, so I made myself some banana nut muffins while listening to worship.

I felt tired after my meal, so I took a nap. When I woke up, I didn’t want to get to work. All I wanted to do was watch sermons.

I finally hit my knees, prayed for His grace to do the work, and started the Teamzy Bootcamp.

I got through the first episode and started calling family.

Tobias got into a motorcycle accident. He lost his tooth, but other than that, He was fine.

Praise God for His protection!


I got halfway through the first assignment in Bootcamp when I had a call from my Grandmother. After the call, I decided I needed to get to bed to wake up on time, so I put away the work.

Before I jumped in bed, I did a few chores upstairs while watching Bible Project videos.

After brushing my teeth, I jumped in bed and watched videos until it was likely eleven.

It was around 10:30 when I got into bed, but it didn’t make falling asleep a breeze.

I was hit with doubts and fears that night, but I stood my ground. I decided I wouldn’t be swept away wondering why I felt like this.

Weild the Word

I am going to stand my ground and wield the Word.

I kept repeating Perfect love casts out fear because fear has torment; there is no fear in love. Over and over.

Then all the scriptures started pouring out, peace wrapped around me, and the fear fled.

When my alarm went off at four, I concluded I needed a few more hours, so I went back to bed till six. I wanted to fall back to sleep when I woke up, but I chose against it.

I wasn’t sure what to do right away. Pray, read the Bible, or exercise to keep me awake? In the uncertainty, I started trying to fix some of the problems that were worrying me last night. The worries, doubts, and fears began flooding back in.

Doubts about what God has told me. I hit my knees with my head in my hands, and as the thought came in, “what is wrong with me?” I heard the Lord remind me, “these aren’t your thoughts; use the word.”

So like last night, I preached to myself and pulled out my laptop for reflection.

break out

I will not keep doing the same thing and expect the same results.

I refuse to be a hamster on a wheel.

I want to break out.

I want a breakthrough.

The monotony is aching my heart.

Perhaps I need to learn in every circumstance I am to be content, but I know I’m supposed to be doing more.

I believe the problem is me and how I feel. I let how I feel dictate what I do and how I act.

I’m looking for some silver bullet to feeling better, but I need to put my hand to the plow and not look back.

Daily planning is a massive key to success. There are some things you don’t compromise on no matter how late you wake up.


If I only had an hour to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 45 minutes sharpening my axe.” 

Abraham Lincoln

The Word, prayer, and planning are non-negotiable tasks in the morning.


“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”

– Martin Luther

one thing

Another thing I believe I need to do is to let some things go for now and focus on one thing. That one thing will be juice+.

God help me with all the things He has put on my heart. I need to move forward in something, and trying to do everything at once in a day is not working at all.

Perhaps I can set aside a day out of the week to work on Emmie. This all gets to be discussed in prayer and planning.

I know I need to figure out the filing for Emmie because I have no idea and got a fine for not filing. By the grace of God, I do what I do.


And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10


In necessity. Things we can’t do on our own. Stars we aren’t able to reach. When we are at a place where we see the star, know we can’t reach it, and rejoice that we can’t because we know He can, that will be a day of breakthrough.

To know that every day is a miracle.

Every day we get what we don’t deserve, and we will continue getting what we don’t deserve because of Him because of Jesus.

Because He traded His life for ours, we get His blessings instead of our rags. We get the star because He loves us, and we trust Him. Nothing more, nothing less.⭐️


Holy Spirit, walk with me, talk with me. Lord, guide my steps. Teach me to wield the Word and remind my heart of your ways. If joy is a choice, help me see that. If peace is a choice, help me choose it. If I hold the power of free will over my thoughts, help me guide them. I choose You. I choose to trust because you chose me first. In you, my hope is a firebrand.

In His service,