Action with Compassion

hungry to hangry

I slept in this Saturday and woke up very ready to eat. Very ready to eat. I could hardly contain myself. I am not supposed to eat till 12, but I tried to convince myself that Saturday is an exception.

I decided to stick to it; the desire to eat was so clangorous I could hardly focus on anything else. When I woke up, I looked at the clock way too many times before those extraordinarily long two hours went by. Once the clock hit 12, I ran into the kitchen to eat the biscuits I made yesterday, but I felt in my heart God saying don’t eat.

That wasn’t easy. I fasted for three days and didn’t feel this hungry. I felt weak, but I went to my room without food, determined to read the Word. I tried, but my mind kept going to food. I was desperate. I kept finding myself trying to go on YouTube or watch a movie, anything to distract me from the pain and kill time, but I kept pulling myself to the Word.

I felt tired, so I succumbed to sleep, subconsciously trying to kill time. When I woke up, I still had that feeling that I was being eaten from the inside out, and I felt like I had wasted my entire Saturday. I felt quite hangry. I had lots of doubts going through my mind. I didn’t understand why it bothered me so much.

pushed through

I held on and pushed through, but when the boys left for some car show and Tina went to work, I put on worship, paced back and forth across the house, and sang, prayed, and spoke in tounges.

The biggest issue I noticed was how hard it was.

I cried out to God for many things. I asked for wisdom, understanding, strength, and peace, but the main cry of my heart was TEACH ME!” “TEACH ME HOW TO ENTER YOUR REST!”

It may have been the first time I really told God instead of asking.

I was desperate.

When there were 30 minutes left, I felt it as strong as ever, but then I had a breakthrough. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel the pain anymore, but God asked me a question. “Are you hungry?” I realized I wasn’t that hungry. I wasn’t feeling hunger, and hunger had never bothered me much before. So what was it that I was feeling?

I remembered from past fasts that recognizing wanting to eat and being hungry were two different things.

I was dealing solely with the flesh, crying like a big baby. I could have commanded my flesh to shut up in the beginning. Understanding this, I took back control of myself, and the crying stopped.

Victory in Christ

Please understand this was a painful experience.

It felt like self-infliction.

It kind of was. The flesh doesn’t control us. Jesus won over the flesh for us and gave us the victory.

We have the victory in Christ.

The desires of our flesh are loud, painful, and impossible to ignore, but we aren’t supposed to fight them.

They will win if we fight them.

We must understand where we stand as children of God. We have the victory, and the desire must leave.

Self-control is a part of the fruit of the spirit.

I decided to come and write my findings down instead of eating because I didn’t have that pressure because I knew I had the victory, and it wasn’t me winning a fight; it was Jesus who fought and won for me. Praise God!

Scared to death

When it left, I felt a little fear that it would come back, but then God showed me I was feeling that fear because the enemy fears you getting this understanding.

Yesterday, I watched a short on YouTube of a girl explaining that people will try to make you feel what they are feeling or what you are making them feel.

For instance, if a girl walks into a ball with a gorgeous dress and it makes another jealous, then the jealous girl will, in turn, try to create jealousy in the lady in the lovely dress.

God told me it was the same way with the enemy. They will try to make you feel what they are feeling.

So that mind-crippling fear I was feeling last week was what the enemy felt toward me.

They see my potential and are scared to death. Praise God!

I already have the victory in Christ.

I believe this is a big step into entering into His rest.

I love you, Jesus. Thank You for everything you have done for me!!

In His service,

Abbie

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